Made direct amends to such people except when to do so would injure others.
Made direct amends. My sponsor said that could be a letter, a phone call or “popping around” to see them. Some letters went out. Some phone calls were made, but most of my amends were made at a personal level.
I myself now sponsor people, I tell them not to confess to the loved one about affairs! As that could really hurt our loved ones. So the key there is willing. In short that means that if I could go back in time and change what had happened I would, I became willing.
I tell them not to put their jobs in danger by telling the boss they have been stealing! It would not help if you told your friend that you had an affair with his wife that would drag her into your guilt.
So in some cases, just become willing. Why confess to something that could get you put in jail! You can do more good passing on the 12 steps, than being stuck behind prison bars.
Don’t let your amends be at the cost of other people’s security, dignity and well being. As I wrote in the latter part of step 8, it was a healing experience for me and the people I made amends to! In short, say your sorry when and if you can. If you cant go to someone just become willing. A change of attitude, a change of heart, that is what it is about!